Naruto Through Time: A Series Of Snippets
by Narf the Mouse
Summary: Naruto has gone back in time. How many times? Well, he kinda stopped counting after he got to 9,999,999 once... He's been there. He's done that. And hey, the t-shirt is kinda nice. Sure, absolute power corrupts - But life's no fun without limits. Crackfi
1. Chapter One, Intro

Tribble #2083: Naruto goes back in time. Again. Man, being a genin totaly sucks. Well, not the genin part. It's being twelve and the complete lack of, well...

...Let's just make a list, shall we?

"Why are you being so grumpy, idiot?"

"Shut the *BEEEEEEEEEEEEP*, *BEEEEEEEEP*, I havn't had my morning coffee."

Naruto walked up beside an angry Sasuke. "Man, you look like a pincushion. That Haku's reflexes are almost Cyber."

Sasuke glared at him angrily. "You think you can do better?"

"Nah, looks like you're having fun."

Sasuke's eyebrows twitched.

Naruto looked up at an angry Mizuki, scrunching his face up in confusion. "So...You mean everyone hates me because of the giant fox in my stomach?"

Mizuki, taken off balance, nodded.

"...The one that says things like 'Your faith in your friends is your weakness', 'I have altered the deal; pray I do not alter it further' and 'I find your lack of faith disturbing?'"

Mizuki nodded again.

"...Man, who'd be afraid of someone who talked like that sort of *corny dimwit?!"

Mizuki fell off his tree branch. Kyuubi stopped laughing and began ranting on the greatness that is Vader.

Iruka just stood there stunned, eyes crossed in confusion, before a thought popped into his head: "Wait...Is the fox breaking out?"

"Only in hives" Naruto replied calmly, ignoring that the disease was unknown in the elemental countries.

*"So, this scary-looking dude is Itachi, a rampaging murderer who Sasuke wants to kill, because Itachi killed their family, because Sasuke's family was planning *treason, except Itachi is also a sociopath? And they're brothers? And Sasuke turned traitor to Konoha, just like Itachi, to get stronger and kill Itachi, only he's serving under an enemy of Itachi's who is weaker than him and has...a certain pedophile look about him? Besides the whole wanting Sasuke for his body thing. And I _Cannot_ believe I just said that."

"That's...Actually a remarkably accurate summation, Naruto." Kakashi said.

"Huh. I never thought about it that way before. Awesome." Naruto then pointed rapidly at Itachi, Sasuke, Orochimaru and Kabutu.

"Soap opera star, soap opera star, Micheal Jackson and lapdog." Naruto paused. "Man, this is almost as good as Jerry Springer! Maybe even better!"

I'm getting the sinking feeling I may have accidently cribbed that last one from someone's fic. So I'm putting this notice here. If I have, please tell me - I don't plagerize.

"So...This hidden village of Sound...They want to kill us all...and you know where they are...Good thought, but too bad it won't work."

"What won't work?" Tsunade asked. "Bad idea?" Naruto's ideas varied between 'Destructive', 'Hilarious' and 'Hilarious and destructive'. Well, at least if you were a Shinobi.

"Oh, it's a great idea. It's just the timeframe." Naruto paused. "There's no way for us to build even a fission bomb in two years."

He paused again. "Well, maybe if we got some Jounins...Rigged up some protective clothing...And found some ten square miles we wouldn't miss if all the plants stopped growing and the animals died...."

Naruto paused again, then his face lit up.

"Hey! Gaara's got tons of sand where nothing lives!"

"Man, four thousand years before I can even talk to anybody who'll understand FTL theory...This bites!"

* Naruto would probably think that. Random scene. That's the plot as I understand it from teh internets.


	2. Chapter Two, Out Of This World

The dark-cloaked, hooded Naruto's had set up the apperatus an hour ago. At first, everyone had assumed it was another prank, but the grim and almost gleeful looks on the clone's faces had worn a bit of that thought away.

Now, the citizens, anbu and ordinary shinobi were mostly milling around, waiting. Slowly, the sea of clone's parted, revealing Naruto walking slowly, with gleeful solemnity, towards the metal globe on top of a large tube. In his hands, he carried two narrow, milky-white glass tubes.

As he approached, the strange device began to slowly hum. The tubes began to glow. Humming. Glowing. People were beginning to back away.

Naruto raised his glowing rods high and lightning began to flash towards the ground. With a swift slash, a solid ring of lightning began flowing. The crowd began a full-fledged retreat. An orderly one. They were shinobi citizens.

Naruto turned around, raised his batons high and began conducting. The clones began chanting.

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh!"

Swish.

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh!!"

Swish.

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!!!"

There was a sudden pause and silence, save for the crackle of lighting. Even the world seemed to hold its breath.

Then, Naruto began conducting. The clones began singing.

*"...Old ones we have heard on high..."

1) Tesla Generator: Six years of industrious clones.

2) Neon lights: Seven years of industrious clones.

3) A thorough knowledge of HP Lovecraft and all derived works: The internet. 3,500 years.

4) Pin-point timing: A year of practice.

5) Pulling The Greatest Prank Ever? Priceless.

* Yes, it's an actual song. Google.


	3. Chapter Three, Chaos And Confusion

The cheerful early morning light was broken by a blond-haired teenager in orange running down the street and screaming. This precipitated a lot of secondary screaming. Not so much the running as what the teenager was screaming. "It's breaking out! It's breaking out!"

That he was also clutching his stomach would be a big cue for an citizen of Konoha. And, while the civilians ran, the Anbu and elite Jounin converged, as Naruto's screams grew from panic to pain.

The end came in the town square, as Naruto fell down, screaming one last time...And a humanoid fox burst bloodlessly out of his stomach.

"YESSSS!" The fox screamed. "Now...Now is the time for Ultimate Suffering!" He paused. He posed. "Now is the time...For DISCO!!!"

What followed was either a painful spasm or some sort of dance.

The collective face-fault caused a 3.5 in Suna.

*Interlude*

Naruto was bored. Naruto was very bored. He had repeated all this. He had repeated all this FIFTY-THREE TIMES!

It was Genin Selection Day again and Naruto was on the roof of his apartment building, cloud-watching. He completely ignored the time; he didn't care (Much) about the future and he didn't notice he had taken to subconsciously muttering "heavenly gates open, heavenly gates closed, heavenly gates open..." in time with the action. Even his subcoinscious was bored. The Fox was immitating a coma.

And the roof was filled with Anbu.

"Huh?" Naruto said, before realizing what he had done, at the same time as someone yelled 'Infiltrator!' and the kunai entered his throat.

As he died (Yet again), Naruto wondered 'Hey, maybe I should try for immortaility. Or at least something close...'

And thus we have two beginnings and an ending. But it was a boring day all around, so Naruto didn't mind (Much).

He did prank that Anbu for a solid month, though.

*Interlude*

"I hate you, you know." Normally, this comment would result in more screaming and running. But not this man. Some men are brave; some men are fearless; some men are lunatics. Very few achieve all three without going psycho.

"Hating someone is not youthful. But then, that is why you lost! To the Power of Youth!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

*SUNSET-JUTSU*

"...And they call me evil. Seriously", Kyuubi turned to Ibiki "You should put this guy in interogation. People would crack in seconds."

Ibiki turned and smiled...Actually smiled...At Kyuubi. "What makes you think we don't?"

It's not every day you get a millenia-old fox to look like he got hit on the head with a hammer. Or do the 'I'm not worthy!' at a human.


	4. Chapter Four, Following The Script

"I'm sorry", Naruto said, a woefull look on his face, as he dumped Sasuke at Sakura's feet. "He's dead. I couldn't save him."

"YOU WHAT?!?!"

"I'm not dead!" Sasuke shouted from the ground.

"What???" Sakura asked, puzzled.

"Nothing. Here's his body."

"But...He says he's not dead!"

"Yes he is."

"I'm not!"

"He isn't, you baka!"

"Well, he will be soon. He's very ill."

"I'm getting better! It's just a cold!"

"No you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment."

"Dead?!?!" Sakura shrieked. A moment later, she was applying green chakra to Sasuke's chest.

Then she stood up and glared at Naruto. "What are you trying to pull?? It is just a...WHAT THE *BLEEEEEP*?!?!?!?!"

Naruto finished handing five ryu over to Kyuubi. "You were right. Seven and a half lines. Didn't make it to nine."

Kyuubi licked his finger and made an imaginary mark in the air. "And the student surpasses the master!"


	5. Chapter Five, Time For Changes

"Old man. Time to finish what I've started." Orichumari looked menacing, threatening and kinda gay and emo.

"Well, as my new Sensei says, that's two wrong." The Sandaime smiled serenely, arms tucked into his robes.

Orochimaru considered this for a moment. "...Have you gone mental?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No. Three strikes..." *Bang!* "You're out." The Third smiled serenely as Orochimaru fell backwards, most of his head missing.

Then he burnt the thing that emerged from the body - The thing that Orochimaru had turned himself into - With a fire technique. To ashes.

As he turned away, he began going over his mental schedule. 'Hmm...The new hydro and geothermal plants should be ready soon. After that, we can get the factories up and running and...' Humming idly, he wandered past his gaping Anbu, the equally-gaping Sound Four and greeted his new Sensei.

"Naruto. How are the other things going?"

Student and teacher fell in beside each other, discussing their combined takeover of the world.

Economically and culturally. So much more reliable than militarily. One *Does* need worthy causes to keep oneself busy...


	6. Chapter Six, Prankster's Dawn

"We completed our mission successfully and within parameters. The target is dead." Itachi reported with sociopathic calm.

"Diedara?" Pien asked.

"Art was a boom, hn."

"That leaves only the matter of...What are you doing here?"

"Oh, hi, don't mind me. Just taking notes." The blond kid in an orange jumpsuit nibbled on his pencil, before scribbling something down.

The elite criminal organization, Akatsuki, composed entirely of S-class renegade ninja...Gaped like a bunch of fish. For about half a second.

After which the body was punctured, poisoned, burnt and exploded...More than once.

The result poofed into smoke.

Another clone, carrying pencil and paper, wandered into the chamber. "Right, then, where did we leave off?" He nibbled on the erasor. "Oh yeah..." *Stab*Poison*Burnt*Ka-Boom*

Twenty-eight clones later, even Itachi was developing a twitch in his left eye. Especially since they couldn't find the original.

...Probably because he was peacefully lying on the roof of his Konoha apartment. It's hard not to live for a few million years (Relatively) without picking up a *little* experience, after all.

Nodding his head, he picked up the pencil he'd been chewing on and crossed 'Prank Akatsuki until Itachi develops a twitch in his left eye' off of his list of things to do in the near future, in this lifetime.

Being immortal meant you needed a hobby, after all.


End file.
